Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Its Time face my demons. I'm tired of this old habit that has brought me down numerous times in my life. it has brought nothing but headaches, hardships, arguments, fights and tension between me, my parents and everyone i love. What is this foul demon? To many this may be a close friend, a false ally, an encouragement to lead one's self to the road of failure, the epitome of laziness in its entirety - procrastination.

I feel ashamed sometimes to be the progeny of two individuals that have worked hard in their life to make a bright future for me. To do everything in their power (maybe not everything) to make me the "whiz kid", the "genius", "modern Einstein" of this generation. However I seem to contradict the wishes, resulting to disappointment, embarrassment, or pity. "Oh pity. How I pity myself." This ignorance has clamped on to the very core of my educational potential for too long... I can no longer tolerate this bullshit.

as I write this, the blasted word creeps again and again in the coat of my cerebrum...

pro·cras·ti·nate (pr-krst-nt, pr-)
v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
To postpone or delay needlessly.

Oh how I loathe this fucking word. Nonetheless, its about time I looked it in the eye, and mutilated it with the anger and frustration that has grown almost endlessly on the edge of my burning fist.

This will be one last time that I post this word or ever speak of it again. It will forever be erased from my vocabulary, I swear on my grandparents' graves.

im sorry im not perfect like the others...
but i swear, my name will be up in the stars and i will fly higher than a bird could ever do.
God is my witness - I WONT GIVE UP.