Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Its Time

...to face my demons. I'm tired of this old habit that has brought me down numerous times in my life. it has brought nothing but headaches, hardships, arguments, fights and tension between me, my parents and everyone i love. What is this foul demon? To many this may be a close friend, a false ally, an encouragement to lead one's self to the road of failure, the epitome of laziness in its entirety - procrastination.

I feel ashamed sometimes to be the progeny of two individuals that have worked hard in their life to make a bright future for me. To do everything in their power (maybe not everything) to make me the "whiz kid", the "genius", "modern Einstein" of this generation. However I seem to contradict the wishes, resulting to disappointment, embarrassment, or pity. "Oh pity. How I pity myself." This ignorance has clamped on to the very core of my educational potential for too long... I can no longer tolerate this bullshit.

as I write this, the blasted word creeps again and again in the coat of my cerebrum...

pro·cras·ti·nate (pr-krst-nt, pr-)
v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates
v.intr.
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
v.tr.
To postpone or delay needlessly.


Oh how I loathe this fucking word. Nonetheless, its about time I looked it in the eye, and mutilated it with the anger and frustration that has grown almost endlessly on the edge of my burning fist.

This will be one last time that I post this word or ever speak of it again. It will forever be erased from my vocabulary, I swear on my grandparents' graves.


im sorry im not perfect like the others...
but i swear, my name will be up in the stars and i will fly higher than a bird could ever do.
God is my witness - I WONT GIVE UP.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It makes me..

sad seeing you like this. and maybe because i'm the one to blame for how you're changing... i don't know. regret? fml if it is, again.

all i can do at this moment is stand by you and support... but if i happen to make things worse, i might as well step back.

like you said "you can't rely one anyone"...


i guess i should start changing my views then.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I feel it taking over..

i better find your lovin'. i better find your heart. i bet if i give all my love, then nothing's gonna tear us apart.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you.  
You make it easy, it's easy as 1,2- 1,2,3,4 
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-


"i love you."
Happy 4 Months Marjorie!
i know this is random.. but i heard this song and i thought about you and me. :)


... goodnight!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

You...

make me blush
make me laugh like i never did before
make me wanna dance
make me cry tears of joy
make me feel as if my pathetic accents are worth listening to
make me speed less when i drive
make me want to play games with you
make me feel like superman, spiderman..... like a hero
make me feel important
make me better
make me full to a point i look like a pregnant man
make me feel comfortable and satisfied regardless of me looking like a pregnant man
make me think about you everyday
make me dream about you almost everyday
make me wanna go to practice just to see you
make me do cheesy things i've never ever thought of doing
make me so happy
make me realize that we don't need drugs to have fun
make me feel like a kid sometimes
make me wanna watch chick flicks to make me feel as if i'm watching with you
make me wanna stay up all night and talk to you
make me food, and i love it
make me wanna wear your kilt out of curiosity (inside joke ;) )
make me go gaga
make me wanna sing
make me wanna rock on my guitar or yours.... either way
make me realize the importance of family, friends and education
make me want to yell your name on the highest mountain
make me wanna say....


i love you.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I love the feeling of..

looking at my phone, wondering when you're gonna text me.
and just as i'm about the reach for my phone to start the conversation,
a text arrives a second earlier than my reaction..

and its you. :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I feel like such a dumb ass...

...i'm sorry.
i promise to give my all as well, and to have faith in you.
110%.
help me stop over thinking. that shit's bad mojo.





i love you.
x infinity plus one


...forever

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Running From Lions

Today would probably be described as the worst day ever. I don't know why or how these things are happening right now... i'm basically shit scared already and I got shit piling up on top to makes things a lot worse. Anyway, I recently signed up for ThinkFast which is a school event that requires us to participate in a 30 hour famine held at school. But the musical (The Wizard of Oz) is getting in the way with all my other extra curricular activities... I learned today that my director Mr. Harris made contracts for us to sign which requires leads of the musical to go home at 1:00 am DURING ThinkFast. Why? To make us "prepared" for the following day's practice which we sadly have to attend regardless. Bullshit.

Aside from that annoyance, I'm scared about my entrance to SFU. There's a cut-off for sciences and its 78% for the average of 4 provincial examinable courses. As of now, i have 73%. That's IF i end up acing everything starting today. fuck me. Not only that, i almost hit a car after school while parking on the side to pick up my girlfriend; making a scene infront of students waiting for the bus to arrive... today was just an epic fail.

i'm gonna make it a point that the shit won't hit the fan, because i'm gonna flush it down the toilet before it does.

Monday, March 15, 2010

I'll Never Stop

"11:11"

make a wish :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Original Creampuff

Start Time: 12:01 pm
Location: Blanche Macdonald - Lounge
What I'm Listening to: Phoenix - 1901


Daylight savings once again, and i'm itching for the comfort of my bed due to lack of sleep, yet i'm itching for her warm hug instead; rest could always wait. I never understood why we have daylight savings... its not that much of a hassle to change the clock an hour back or ahead, but I just don't like the fact that it can either benefit you or give you a headache in the morning. After all, an hour of sleep means a lot. (I'm sure many would agree :) )

Anyway, so I've been in the lounge inside Blanche Macdonald for approximately 2 hours, and 16 minutes waiting for my mom and Marjorie to finish the first half of their photo-shoot session. Its really nice to know that both my girlfriend and my mom get along really well and not to mention that they share the same liking to make-up which undoubtedly helps break the ice. Its not very often that my mom gets to bond with the girls I bring home. Heck, on second thought, she never has. :)) But i'm glad its Marge. She's too adorable.

*ahem* (well, getting back on track....) In the two hours i've been here, I've been observing the behaviours of the individuals that have occupied this very room. Discreetly though, of course. Why? Well, aside from just doing homework or watching youtube, that could be done at home (but was done anyway), I decided to observe these women like Steve Irwin did with birds of the amazon. Call me weird, but that's just my nature.

There were 3 groups which I have sorted during my observation:

Braggakus Crazikus - the 20-30 year olds that all seemed to have the attitude of your typical high-school LG. Judging by their constant urge to brag about their success and talk about people (whom I obviously don't know) behind their back, I can tell that these are the ones that kinda care about status more than education. Wretched beings. :))

Hardworkus Caffenus - of similar age as the braggakus crazikus, the hardworkus caffeni consist of mostly asian, persian, indian and in rare occasions some of caucasian descent. Reeking of coffee, tea, or anything that has caffeine in it, they are usually quiet and constantly working.

i.e. - There is this Korean woman located on my 2:00 o'clock that has been working on her pencil-sketch self-portrait... NON STOP. With just her pencils, her sketch books and of her Venti-what seems to be a Caramel Macchiato (judging from the CM written on the side), she's become some sort of statue at the side of my vision. Like a person frozen in time or something. Impressive. (I realize this seems stalkeresque or just completely weird, but hey... im very observant. :)) )

Dontgiveacrapus Justdoinmyownthangakus - These ones seem to dress in contrast to the typical downtown fashion. They are mostly seen in the artsy fashion of cargo pants, black hoodies, and skater shoes. I have come across two of this species. Oddly enough, they talked about drinking, getting high and sleeping with people that they occasionally meet in clubs or what not. Kinda gross. They're less reserved than the Hardworkus Caffenus and a lot more "amplified" than the Craziki. They just don't give a fuck. Simple but hey, that's their preference.

There's another thing that suprisingly struck me: everybody seems to have the word "fuck" in every conversation! Is it just me, or is the word 'fuck' really just becoming part of everyday vocabulary? I don't wanna sound like a Jesus Boy, but I guess I'm just not used to this environment. Maybe I'm not completely unFOBed but I sure as heck don't wanna turn into a typical Canadian.... if this is indeed the typical.

Oh and since 7:45 am, I have only had a $0.75 Chocolate Chip CLIFF Bar and a $1.25 Aquafina Water. What's sad is all these don't even add up to the price of a breakfast sandwich at Carney. Bahaha. `Goes to show that my school's really screwing us over with their overpriced food and beverages... ridiculous.

Oh and yeah, im starving. :))

...hopefully they come back soon. I'm starting to feel nauseous.

P.S. someone friggin' turned on the air-conditioning in this building. For God's sakes people, its Vancouver and its still March! I'm freezing my ass off!!! -.-"

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I had a long ass day. That's all I'm saying..

Monday, March 8, 2010

Vexatious Cohort

The saying "friends come and go" really tickled my mind today. I realized that there are those individuals that you get to really keep as friends, and there are those who just fade away like leafs that fall off a tree when winter creeps in around the corner. I myself wish to keep all my friends, but its just impossible to do such a nothing. I'm no Pope John Paul II.

People change over time. Groups, Cliques or friends you entitle as "best-friends" or what not... they simply distort, sadly. However it is the choice you make whether to act upon the change or simply ignore it because you simply don't care. Well here's what... this time, I'm sad to say I don't care anymore. I'm tired of doing the effort all the time. If you can't or don't wanna change... be my guest. I'm done.

Gone are the days of Batman & Robin.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Introduction: Beatitude

…oh man, where do i begin?


As I recall it has been almost 4 years since my last blog. I still wonder why my previous blogs have disappeared like rats reacting to an unexpected presence of a flashlight in a sewer, but either way I'm not too affected by it. Just trying to blog about everything that has happened in the past 3 years of my stay here in Canada would seem like such tedious work. However, to make up for it, I've decided to create a brand spankin' new blog - to regain my writing creativity, and maybe to enhance my "virtual life" if you will. Not to mention i've completely lost my patience to get out and start taking photos like i used to.

There are still things that somewhat bother me about myself. Lately i've been checking off of a list of things to do in my mind, which mostly consisted of academic goals and what not. The goals are: getting at least a B in Physics, Chemistry, English and Math. Well here's an update for you: having marks (ranging from below 50 to just under 70%) in these particular subjects is the reason for me not being in the honour roll this year….. fishsticks. However, everything has been checked off my list, except for one - Math. I have concluded recently that Math is the epitome of my stress. It has been, ever since grade 10. If could, i would fornicate math gently with a chainsaw just to get back at it for all the stress it has put me through… but that's just harsh. hahah! I'm still trying though, really I am. But the feeling that drags me down again and again is that feeling that a 50% in a quiz would STILL slowly fail me. Its ridiculous. I swear by the time i graduate, I'm going to burn a math book to express my joy. And yes, if you are wondering I have
never burned a book in my life. I'm not THAT bamf :) but enough of the rants for now…

Aside from the headaches, there has been one occurrence in my life that seems to have erased the word "sadness" and all things glum from my dictionary. The night of the 22nd of December; feeling as though I came across a diamond in a crazy sandstorm of drunken teenagers looking for a petty hook-up or sign of infatuation. The girl of my dreams? My soulmate? My female twin? whatever you want to call her, it was her and she was there! After almost giving up on love and all the lovey-dovey fantasies that I used to believe in, I regained it on that day. It didn't start with "hey how's it going?" or with me accidentally bumping into her… it started with a "heyyyy, you're the Tin Man!!" hahaha. The funniest night of my life. Attracted to her? Indeed. Love at first sight? Not at that moment, but it
did kick in after 13 hours. And the rest went on from there. Who is this girl you ask? Her name's Marjorie Roque. A girl that is entirely DTE. - (ha, got you there ;)) (down to Earth), funny, smart, fashionable, creative, loving, hard working, loves games, loves the same food i love, she's filipina. holy f! and she's drop dead gorgeous. All in all she's everything I wanted and as I see it, she's changed my life. :) So yes, that's all I have to say for now. 3 paragraphs in one night? Feels good. Yeah, feels good to be back.

I finally found a reason to wake up in the morning.